Obladi Obladah Life Goes On Brah!

Hi Friends,

I know it's been awhile since the last update. I am currently trying to be more in the quiet mode rather than being loud on my SocMed these days. I know some of you are following me on my public IG where mostly I am loudly sharing our Catholic faith. That's the only thing that I can be loud about right now.

As of this moment, I am finding myself that I enjoyed more silent time than having noise that surrounds me. I get easily tired and irritated when I am tired. I know you will say we are on the same boat; but this is different. I want to be alone after a long day with people. I enjoy pondering life when I am in a quiet place with no music, nothing where I can hear only the pure silence that I want as of this moment. As I continue my discernment process with my chosen congregation to live by, I am trying to wrestle with my own thoughts where there are things that fly in my mind, some of them are negative thoughts where I am trying to fight back with good things that come into my head where I am thankful for. 

Recently, I am blessed enough to find my vocation calling where I have finally said yes to the vocation that I am looking for where I finally signed my application to the congregation that I discern in front of my chosen friends who will be journeying with me. Also, I was blessed by another vocation that I still need to discern profoundly as I continue my discernment with my first vocation. As far as I remember when I had a discussion with my spiritual director during my silent retreat about the other vocation that has been bestow to me that there are saints who answered a call within a call like St. Theresa of Calcutta. 

Also, I am still in season of waiting again since I am healing from the wounds that I have right now. I know I have to let go fully to be healed completely this is why I am completely surrendering everything under the Our Lady's hands and thanking her for lending him to be part of my journey. To be honest, it is still hard for me but as I contemplate on things, I know there will be far greater is waiting for me. I am still in verge of crying but I prefer to counter it with gratitude where I am grateful that I have him as my friend. This is again another lesson for me to discipline myself about the art of patience. Fair enough that I became impatient again this is why God put me again on the waiting season.

I hate to say this but I am humbly admitting it that from time to time that I am being impatient as well to myself and negativity will power through over me; however I am thanking God for giving me the gift of perseverance that I have to push through and think all the blessings that I am receiving from him. I am humbly to say that I am weak and frail deep within. I am broken and shattered into pieces. I was lost and cannot see the light but because of Our Mother who pulled my out to the darkness, I can see again the beauty of waiting despite of the storm that I am going through. The Our Lady saved me from the rock bottom that I went through. I am thankful for those people who was being send to me in times of my darkness.

Aside from this one great blessing, another blessing came through that I cannot still imagine. This time I am going back to school. Yes! You have heard it right, I am an incoming university student. After a long search for university and right people to ask what university is the best when it becomes to Bachelors degree for Social Work, I found one already where this university offers an Indigenous approach to your skills. This is why I am joyful enough that I am here again tackling a whole new world of studying.

This will be another #challengeaccepted for me where I'll be continuing to work at the YMCA and at the same time studying. I know I have a lot of goals during my studies but this time I will aim high and prove that there is no hindrances that will block me in my studies. I know there will be struggles and need to learn how to juggle my time in various commitments that I have on my plate.

God is truly listening; yes, like what I have said on my past entries that I questioned God where is He and why he let me go through the toughest pain that I have experienced. I felt the dryness, emptiness, and loneliness; but because of a song by LeeLand reminded me that He never stop working for you even when you are in your lowest part of your life.

True status of my heart, I am still healing, I am still working on myself and enjoying the life that I have right now. Doing a me time in Downtown Toronto became my thing again recently despite it is far from me. I am just grateful that I have great friends that I can count on and ready to listen to me.

Until next time...

Ode to Silence

Hello Friends, 

I know this is a weird time for me to post on a weekday and good thing it is a holiday today that I can write my thoughts, I should say a little bit of noise in my head. 

Current state of my whole being: Physically: Healing| Emotionally and Mentally: Still healing and looking for better days are ahead| Spiritually: Amazing Grace. 

It's almost two months that I am stilling through this storm that I am facing through there are still ups and downs, overthinking still prevail but I am catching myself and divert myself to something else but I am still thankful that my faith keeps me grounded. To be honest, there are still time that I am crying when I hear things that reminds me of him. Sometimes I just pause and pray for him just to ease this longings. 

I know God has truly have a great plan for the both of us separately and it's really a great season of waiting for me again. God really wants me to wait for that perfect time. My heart is still crying but I know God gave me a great call that I have to answer. This past week I had somewhat isolate myself to the world where I just want to be with God and silence myself. Before this happen, I was being called to set myself apart from the world while doing apostolic work. At first I was so scared to say yes to this call, like I have to discern it so well if that is really Him or just myself being me as a human. Fear prevail my whole being, where goosebumps kicked in when I got the form and I cannot believe that this is happening. It took me time to fill the form in just to write my name and sign it. 

I know that I have said that I have isolated myself to the world for a week not messaging just reading

my ebook, using my phone as my prayer book and so on. I was blessed that I have a guide over that week to just keep me grounded with my decision that would change my life forever. Low and behold, as I read the life of this Carmelite saint, a lot of strong and calming reassurance that I have received from God, the Our Lady and from Christ our brother. Midweek I had signed my spiritual contract to my Holy family that I am giving away my "Yes" to the call that they want me to do. Also this weekend as well, I have finally signed my physical form in front of my chosen friends who I know from my heart will give me counsel as I embark this journey. To be honest, my soul and spirit is rejoicing that I have finally found my call as a long time discerner for vocation. Also, God gave me another grace to answer another vocation that we complete my whole being as a woman.It will take time again since I need to heal from the pain that I have experienced and I can sense that one of the Franciscan Saints is watching me as well since every time that I go to the church I randomly see a yellow flower beside him or somewhere that there is a sacramental. I can really feel that God is really working double time.

To be honest with you my friends, I am currently joyful that I have found my first calling that I can serve him as a Religious Lay and the other one well I am still waiting for that season. I must really admit that I never felt that true love from a man who really knows to love a person like me and letting me for being who I am. I never became vulnerable to a man that I just met for a short while and it's like I know him forever when I became vulnerable. I will treasure the days that he let me cry in front of him, telling my childhood days, my family and so on. I don't want to lie but I truly miss him already and I still love him. I know there's a purpose of our parting ways but I just letting God to take care of everything. I know someday, somehow either God will grant my heart desire or he is preparing me for something better. 

As of this moment, as I write this; I am shedding my tears again. I thought I will be done crying but my heart still longs for him. I know some of you who talks to me in person will say it's okay you are hurt and you felt true love. There's a reason why you two cross the road. I am trying to be strong as I can be but there are times that I really need to shed it again. I am weak but my faith gave me steadfastness and without you who knows me personally especially who speaks to me in person I would be carrying my life on. 

Just keep me in your prayers and I also keep you all in my prayers. 

Until next time again